I aspire to have a long term successful relationship with a Ryan Gosling meets Taye Diggs look alike. Unfortunately I have a tendency to date what RnB group TLC would refer to as Scrubs. However I’ve vowed in 2013 that this is going to change.

Breaking up with someone is never easy,Scrub or not,whether you are the one who is walking away or if you’re the one who’s being left behind. Relationships end for an array of reasons, trying to figure out exactly what went wrong with yours is sometimes a fruitless exercise. Sometimes the only thing to do is accept when something is just no longer working and walk away. Trying to force something to work will just end up frustrating you as well as your partner.

Be pro-active in the aftermath of the break up. Allow yourself time to heal, whether you need a week in bed with ice cream and re-runs of Will and Grace or whether you need a solid week of girl time, cocktails and the club. However you heal, do it.

Once you’ve come to terms with the end of the relationship, its time to pick up the pieces and soldier on. Don’t try to be friends too early in the beginning, it won’t work. Been there, tried that and tested that and tested it again. Learn to be your own ‘go to person’. Where you would have turned to them for support or somebody to talk to, you need to make yourself that person.

Whether the relationship was a good one or a bad one it doesn’t make the post break up part any easier. Accepting that both parties made mistakes is the first step.Try and remember how it was before the relationship and aim for that once again. As Beyonce has taught us, if he liked it he should have put a ring on it and in hindsight he can be the best thing we never had, it just takes sometime to realise either the former or the latter or both. Give yourself that time.

Don’t make the mistake of wanting to get back together too soon either. Most of the time that feeling of wanting to get back together right after the relationship ended is the fear of being alone dominating over all rational thought processes.“You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me but we are never ever, ever, ever getting back together”– Taylor Swift. There are only so many times the same bad relationship should be tried. If it didn’t work in 2009 and it didn’t work in 2012 what in the world makes you think it would work in 2013? Maybe one day you’ll be perfect for each other but not now.

If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship whether you dated for a long time or a short time, there were feelings there and it still hurts that it’s over. Allow yourself to mourn over ‘what could have been’ but once mourning is over its time to move on. Dust those heels off, take down the Sissy Boy jeans and go out and meet new people. Do you! Go out looking for a good time not for your next relationship.

This Valentine’s Day I plan to toast to my future and toast to my ex. I plan to have a great time and enjoy being single and that phase where you’re completely tuned in to yourself. Quite frankly I look forward to being a little bit selfish for awhile. The next time I plan on falling in love, I plan to fall gracefully and slowly not to be quickly tripped by good looks and a good command of the English language which has always been my downfall.

If love is supposed to be patient and kind, not jealous, boastful, proud or rude.If love does not demand its own way, does not get irritable and keeps no record of wrong doings. If love does not rejoice about injustices but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. If love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance, I definitely believe I’ll know when I have it. Until then, in the words of Mr Kanye West “I pray that our pain becomes champagne”. Let’s toast!